I don't normally talk about death and passing on my blog or website but something feels different this time. Maybe its because I'm still in shock, like I don't believe this really happened... I'm sure that has a lot to do with it. My mind is slowly trying to catch up to present time and the reality of what happened today...I planned for the vet to make a house call specifically for Aquila to ease her out of this world... I made the appointment and every few hours felt like canceling... even when the vet got here and started the process I wanted her to wait so I could change my mind and keep Aquila here just a few moments longer but I knew if I did that it would not be in her best interest...
For the past few days she dramatically filled up with fluid that further complicated her rapid heart rate. The onset was so fast I feared she didn't have much time and since going through this same process with her daughters just two short years before I didn't want her to be subject to any pain. Matters dealing with the heart are so painful especially when its breaking.
The only bit of information I feel at liberty to share right now is that after she had her tiny bit of sedative to calm her down, the vet started her injection... Aquila looked up at me with vivid eyes just for a moment, I held my strength and looked back before breaking down... then she looked at me one more time, only for a second, as if looking for reassurance that she could leave... she lay her head down and passed slowly away right by my side...
After the vet left I sat with her, brushed her and tried to collect myself the best I could before taking her out back. As I sat there completely consumed by my grief a large cloud passed over the sun and blocked out the intense light we were having all that day. It was more than a reflection of my mood.
She is buried right next to her daughters out back in the 'garden'... and tonight we are having the worst thunder storm of the summer. It is fitting that she left before the storm came, she was always terrified of the lightning, absolutely terrified...
I haven't been out to the yard yet, haven't seen her empty house, the empty chain... she was always the queen and for ten years I was fortunate to call her my friend... my dear, dear friend...
I built a log cabin for her, it was the mansion of all dog houses. But now I know it must be taken down, I cant imagine anyone else living in it and maybe the pain will ease if I don't have to see it there and remember how much I glorified her, how much we all bowed down to her authority... she was truly alpha, was never challenged by the other dogs... she retained their respect to the very end that will carry beyond into the next world...
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