Evening Thoughts...

So after a two full days of displaying my art and demonstrating at the holiday bazaar I had a lot of time to think... mostly I did demo work on my large art piece and didn't interact much, most people don't want to bother me in my moments of concentration, but honestly... that is what I'm there for... to be bothered and answer questions...

Its no problem either way, I enjoyed my time there and it was nice to talk with people and get some more of my art complete.

But when I got home I had a lot of time to do even more thinking. Shows take a lot out of me and even though it doesn't look like a lot of work, it really is. It takes a lot of mental concentration for me to be in the public eye. I have to reshape my thinking... normally I'm a very quiet and private person.

Right before I went out to feed the dogs for the evening I had this overwhelming sense of loss, a depression and anxiety... I couldn't figure out what it was until I stepped outside and headed for the dog yard.

Once I made my way outside to see all my kids any feelings of unease vanished in an instant... it was clear, I missed them all so very much. I was so caught up in the whirl of public life, people coming, going, buying, selling, talking about the holidays... I was getting so wrapped up in other peoples lives that I lost a bit of myself in the process.

But, like the little miracles they are, the dogs brought it all back to me. I cant describe how often they have saved my life in this way, how much of a miracle it is just being in their presence.

Every one of them is a miracle, every soul priceless and precious in so many ways. That is why tonight I was brought to tears seeing the pups getting so large. Not because I will miss the puppy days but because Ive been so worried about Chronos.

He is the one I suspect to have a heart condition. I'm not sure how serious it may be and we wont know that until he has his first ultra sound at six months of age. But seeing him tonight with a fat little belly, growing so large, looking so healthy, knowing that its one more day of hope, one more day I will have with him on this earth... its enough to make a mother cry tears of joy...

I suppose this is all a lesson for me to live in the moment, to enjoy every single thing I have and not to fret about anything. What will come, will come and what is in front of me is special in that very moment... I try not to look to far to the future or to far into the past... like the dogs, living in the present is best way to look at life...

I'm reminded of a quote... cant think of the author... but the quote is "Live every day as if it were your last..."