Living my own advice...

A mother never wishes to loose her children but some times these things happen. And for us dog mothers it happens all to often... yesterday I couldn't find Spock for breakfast. I was frantic, got James out bed and we both looked for him. He told me to check the yard again since Spock has never had the desire to break out of the fence... and I found him next to Thani's house, cold and gone...

I cant possibly describe what he meant to me... our relationship was beyond words, beyond life itself... and here I sit pondering my own advice, to move forward beyond the 'failures', beyond the hardship and what makes my heart sick... I told myself today that all I needed was to take one step, then another, and another... just keep moving...

I appreciate everyone who has written, expressing their grief and their love for him... I have found encouragement in their words more so than I ever thought possible. How is it that everyone seems to know just what to say? I have had other losses before, other comforts from friends but this time, when I need it the most, everyone has been nothing short of angelic...

I will be taking the week off more or less... I do have a show at the Quest on Saturday that I will try to attend but I need to wait until that time before I can be certain about doing it. I wont be picking up the phone much so if you feel you need to call please leave a message and know that I cant possibly talk about this right now.

I have been waiting for hours for a sign from him that I knew would come... all the dogs are so obvious in their messages to me after they pass. For that I am grateful beyond what words can express...

Just before I found Spock I found a perfect eagle feather in the dog yard. How it got there I have no idea. There is only one pair of eagles that I know live around here but they are quite far from our house. I also had a vague dream of him last night but no solid messages like I'm used to until James called this morning.

I don't want to go into details on it but I know that message was for both of us. James said it was so vivid and that both Spock, James' father and Aquila was there. This means so much to me. I talk to all three of them (and Iris and Ursa) so often. It is comforting knowing they will be there on the 'other side' for us to call on for comfort or help but the sorrow of their loss is still incredibly strong. I really don't know how to deal with it, and I was so looking forward to getting completely through another summer without loosing another friend...

All I know is that my life isn't done here (no matter how much I wish it was so I could be there with my kids again), that I have to focus on one foot in front of the other... just one thing at a time... its the only way we can get through this life...